Learn new ways to deal with stress

By PATSY STODDARD Editor

Is stress reduction possible? Stress in families, stress on the job, stress on the road, everyone deals with stress at some point in their lives and usually on a daily basis. Can changing thought patterns help you deal with stress?
Well, it’s certainly worth a try. The Small Business Development Center hosted a training with Doug and Sandra Huntington as the instructors.
Sandra began the workshop by asking all participants to respect each other. She said the sky’s the limit these days with stress, dealing with people, jobs, deadlines, weight, husbands and wives, a dirty house; all these things can take control of us. But, we need to take control of these things. There is a secret formula which will help in all aspects of our lives.
Sandra said all people handle stress differently. A key component in how we handle stress is in how we perceive things. Everyone perceives situations in different ways.
We need to be willing to change to make things better.
In viewing problems, we must look for solutions. Work on solutions, a small amount at a time.
The class attendees were instructed to draw a self portrait on a piece of paper.
Doug explained how you draw your self-portrait is how you see yourself each day. Did your figure take up the whole page; were you just a small picture in the middle, did you have a big head; did you have wide shoulders, did you draw hands and feet? all of these are indicators of how you feel about yourself.
Doug read what each element of the person meant, if you drew a big head, that meant how you take in information, hands were how you deal with tasks, skills and qualities. If you drew feet, that means a strong and solid foundation. Legs are relationships, shoulders are responsibilities and tasks; arms are a willingness to embrace; necks allow you to see in all directions and hair, jewelry are the accessories or upgrades.
“It’s important to know that where you are right now is not where you will be stuck. We can all become better.
“Stress is all over the world, there is like a big cloud. External stresses bombard us. We have to deal with work stress issues, bosses, co-workers, customers, spouses, etc. Problems can be so big we don’t know how to fix it. Women take stress as a threat to relationships. There is a need to release emotions or they build and build until it effects your ability to achieve and perform.
“Men hide from stress,” said Doug.
Doug told of an incident at his work when he was asked to go be on hand while a chemical truck unloaded. He was thinking negative thoughts, like why do I have to go, couldn’t someone else do it. His boss noticed he was being grouchy about it and he asked if anything was wrong. The boss told Doug that he liked him to supervise the unloading because he had confidence in Doug to do a good job at it.
Doug said this confidence in him by his boss, changed his attitude. He went out there and conversed with the truck driver and asked him questions and was friendly and he had a totally positive experience he wouldn’t have had if he had gone out with negative thoughts. “We have the power to choose to make situations good or bad.
Sometimes how we see things, is not always how it is.
Sandra asked if we view ourselves as positive or negative thinkers, how are our thoughts are they negative or positive? Our brains are made to create, we can choose positive or negative thoughts.
Another concept presented was to involve your whole brain in thinking processes. Most people tend to be either right or left brain oriented and some neglect the other side. If you have balance it keeps you on track. “If you’re too task oriented you shut off the other side of the brain. You need humor and you need to stop and smell the roses and still get things done,” said Doug.
Brains process approximately 85,000 bits of information each day and you can determine if it’s positive or negative. If you have more negative thoughts, or more positive thoughts, that is the kind of person you will be.
Sandra told the participants of a technique to use to determine what types of thoughts you are having. Put a rubber band around your wrist, every time you have a negative thought, then flip the rubber band. This will help make you aware of any negative thoughts you may be having.
How do you talk to yourself? are you nice? most people have horrible self-talk, they say many negative things to themselves, thoughts about their abilities, their weight, their looks, their hair, just about anything. Don’t compare yourself to others. If you feel like you can’t do anything right, then maybe you are having negative self-talk.
“Get rid of that, anything degrading and putting yourself down. Don’t take on the world’s perception of things. You have a right to be happy. Why not be happy? Train your brains to go to positive thoughts.
Pull out the negative and get rid of it. You can flip the rubber band on your wrist; you can write things on a paper or in a book. After you write it down, then burn the slip of paper, and let it go. Replace it, you’re not stuck in that spot; you will feel better as you replace those thoughts. Your brain is like a warehouse or a computer, weed out those negative thoughts and get rid of them. Physically write it down and then get rid of it and release it.
Maybe you have more negative thoughts than you think you do, become aware of them and then get rid of them.
Your future will be determined by what you are thinking. Send positive messages to yourself. Negative energy weakens you. Your thoughts can also have an effect on others. Send positive thoughts to your children.
The Huntingtons said you need to feel your emotions, don’t hide or bury them. If you are angry, then be angry and address it. If you don’t release your stresses then you will bottle them up inside until you explode, or internalize them until you become sick.
You need to release anger, one suggestion they made was to pretend the person they are mad at is in the car with you, and then yell at them and tell them why you’re mad. Then forget about it.
Sandra is a preschool teacher and she said little children love to express emotions and their feelings. Let them feel it and put words to it and then they can forget about it, if someone takes a toy from them, or won’t include them, then the children can feel hurt for a minute then they quickly forget about it and return to play.
Sandra said sometimes we are harboring old emotions from years ago. Get rid of them too. If it takes a month or two of writing them down and burning it, then do it.
Letting emotions build up can ruin relationships. People build up walls around themselves. Don’t build up walls. Be a bigger person and keep the walls down. Become the kind of person you would like to be. Work on your inside, not your outside.
Sandra told sometimes she would just eat without thinking about it. After she stopped that she discovered she was eating to cover emotion and not feeling the emotion and dealing with it.
She has lost 10 pounds since January by working on the inside, the thoughts and emotions. Old rotten emotions are like poison. Pull out the emotions, deal with them and let them go. Don’t put band aids on it, like food.
Take time for yourself. Figure out what you need to destress and then do it.
Doug said people would feel bad for him because he has a wife, six daughters and a female dog. “But, I hope I am learning the lessons I need to from my wife and girls. Girls are connected to their emotions and that’s not a bad thing to be,” said Doug.
Be connected to your emotions. We all want to be more positive. Am I angry and judging, or loving and accepting. People can feel what kind of person you are. What kind of message are you sending.
Whatever’s going on the inside is reflected on the outside. The brain registers physical and emotional pain on the same level. Emotions are registered in the same way.
The Huntingtons told about writing a mission statement, a declaration, at first they thought it was goofy, but as they came to use these powerful “I am” statements, they saw the benefits. It feeds the brain positive messages.
Positive messages to read outloud to yourself every day could include:
I am confident and charismatic; I am accepting of others, I am capable and successful, I am a great and powerful listener, I am energetic, kind and loving; I am empowered, I release the pattern in me that attracted this negative experience; I create only good in my life; I release anger and frustration; I am handsome, I am beautiful; I release the need to be right; I am at peace; I live in abundance; I love Me; I am Enough.
Say your declarations with confidence and power. You can create your own declaration statements and make it your own. Put in there what you’d like to become.
Believe in yourself, don’t shoot down your good ideas and goals, aspirations and desires. Declare them and then get to work on them. Don’t allow negative thoughts to keep you from your dreams. Start with little things and do them extraordinarily well. Michael Jordan said if you put in the work, the results will come.
If you’re not seeing results, then back up and start over.
The process starts with perception, thoughts, emotion, actions and results.
You can bring all your relationships into sync with these techniques. “Would you rather have a deep relationship or would you rather be right,” said Sandra.
It’s not about the other person, it’s about our reaction, how we choose to react. If you’re angry or not, it’s what you choose. Life is 10 percent of what happens to us and 90 percent of the attitude we take toward what happens to us.
What are we like? are we prickly like a cactus, or like a rock, unyielding, or a pillow-that people can lean on, we get to choose.
Don’t blame other people.
Sometimes we want something from someone that they can’t give.
If we were wounded as a child, we can be attracted to someone who can either hurt or heal us.
We can judge or accept people with our eyes, they are the window to the soul.
The tone of your voice, can show if you are loving and accepting or harsh.
When looking for solutions to problems, know that you can only change yourself.
In relationships, saying I’m sorry can be just as important as I love you. The Huntingtons encouraged everyone to play and have fun along the way. Know in your heart who you are.