October is Domestic Violence Awareness month

By Jennie Olson
Contributing writer

Part II
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Nationwide one in three women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. An average of three women lose their lives every day to domestic violence.
Many people may question why women do not leave their abusers. Here is a list of Obstacles to Leaving an Abusive Relationship:
 Illiterate Victims: Illiterate victims may be forced to rely on the literate batterer for everyday survival.
Incarcerated or Newly Released Abuse Victims: Such victims often don’t have support systems to assist them with re-entry to the community. Parole officers may require that they return home if that appears to be a stable environment.
Law Enforcement Officer: If the perpetrator is a law enforcement officer, the victim may fear that other officers will refuse to assist or believe them if they come forward.
Lesbian and Gay Victims: Victims may feel silenced if disclosing their sexual orientation (to qualify for a protective order) could result in losing their job, family, and home.
Low Self-Esteem: Victims may believe they deserve no better than the abuse they receive.
Love: Since many batterers are initially charming, victims fall in love and may have difficulty altering their feelings with the first sign of a problem.
Mediation: Mediation can put the victim in the dangerous position of incurring the batterer’s wrath for disclosing the extent of the violence.
Medical Problems: The victim must stay with the batterer to obtain medical services, especially if they share insurance.
Mentally Ill Victims: Victims face negative societal stereotypes in addition to the batterer’s taunts that the victim is crazy and nobody will believe anything that they say.
Mentally or Developmentally Challenged Victims: These victims are particularly vulnerable to the batterer’s manipulation and are likely to be dependent on the batterer for basic survival.
Military: If the victim or the perpetrator is in the military, an effective intervention is largely dependent on the commander’s response. Many commanders believe that it is more important to salvage the soldier’s military career than to ensure the victim’s safety.
No Place to Go: Victims can’t find affordable housing or there is no shelter space.
No Job Skills: Victims without job skills usually have no choice but to work for employers paying minimum wage, with few, if any, medical and other benefits.
No Knowledge of Options: Victims without knowledge of the options and resources logically assume that none exist.
Past Criminal Record: Victims with a past criminal record are often still on probation or parole, making them vulnerable to the batterer’s threats to comply with all of their demands or be sent back to prison.
Previously Abused Victims: Sometimes previously abused victims believe the batterer’s accusation, “See, this is what you drive your partners to do to you!”
Prior Negative Court Experiences: Victims don’t believe that they will be given the respect and safety considerations that they need in court.
Promises of Change: The batterer’s promises of change may be easy to believe because they sound sincere. Victims are socialized to be forgiving.
 Religious Beliefs: Beliefs may lead victims to think they have to tolerate the abuse to show their adherence to the faith.
Rural Victims: Victims may be isolated and simply unable to access services due to lack of transportation, or the needed programs are distant and unable to provide outreach.
Safer to Stay: Assessing that it is safer to stay may be accurate when the victim can keep an eye on the batterer, sensing when the batterer is about to become violent and, to the extent possible, taking action to protect themselves and their children.
 Students: Students in high school or college may fear that untrained administrators will deny their requests for help. If the perpetrator is also a student, the victim often does not want them to be expelled from school.
Shame and Embarrassment: The victim doesn’t want to disclose the abuse or may deny that any problem exists.
Stockholm Syndrome: The victim may experience this syndrome and bond with the abuser.
Substance Abuse or Alcohol: Either the victim or offender’s substance abuse may inhibit seeking help, often for fear that the children will be removed.
 Teens: Teens are at greater risk for abuse in their relationships than any other age group. Peer pressure, immaturity, no knowledge of resources, and low self-esteem all factor into the decision to stay.
 Transportation: A lack of transportation condemns victims to a choice between welfare and returning to their abusers.
 Unaware that Abuse is a Criminal Offense: This can occur often if family, friends and community professionals minimize the crimes.
Undocumented Victims: Victims facing complex immigration problems if they leave are often forced to stay with the batterers who may control their INS status.