Taking Care Of Dust Bunnies

By GARY TORRES

I have been home sick for a few days and this staying at home not working is turning out to be a lot of work. I mean you can only not work so long before it becomes work to not work. But if there is any man up to the challenge… believe me I have trained for this my entire life. So Turbo (my dog) and I are doing our very best to meet this challenge. He sleeps on the porch. I sleep on my big over stuffed chair. However, to satisfy my need to feel like I am doing something, while not actually doing anything I have resorted to making up To Do Lists for my too kind and loving wife.
If you want to test just how stable your marriage is, just give your wife a To Do List when she walks in the door from a long day at work. I don’t know if any of you men have tried this as a way of getting close to your honey and building a stronger better relationship, but I highly recommend it. It is a great conversation starter. Besides, I don’t think they mind if you help them keep track of what they are not getting done.
When the missus walks in the door merely hand her a list of things that you have noticed need to be done. She’ll be grateful I am almost certain. For example, I found that if you move the dryer, there are dust bunnies under it. Now I am not one to spill my guts about personal things, but I have to admit finding dust bunnies under the dryer was really upsetting to me. I mean, come on, what other varmints might be running around in the house.
Number one on the To Do List I made for my wife, “Clean dust bunnies from underneath dryer.” Well I hadn’t sat down in my big over stuffed chair to rest for five minutes, when I thought, “You know. If there are dust bunnies underneath the dryer I would bet my last dollar there were some underneath the fridge too.” I reluctantly get out of my big over stuffed chair and what do you think I found? Yup. You are absolutely right. Dust bunnies under the fridge. I know what you are saying. I said the same dang thing.
Apparently these bunnies reproduce like real bunnies because I moved the fridge and I’ll kiss your foot till you bark like a hound at a coon in a tall oak tree if there weren’t dust bunnies underneath the fridge. Where did they come from? I don’t know. But they were there. Tons of them. It looked like Dust Bunnyville. Oh my gosh. I couldn’t believe it. I knew that my too kind and loving wife would be so glad I was on to this important matter. Number two on my wife’s To Do List, “Clean dust bunnies from underneath the fridge.”
Really, I was getting quite fatigued writing up all these things my too kind and loving wife needed to do, but sometimes you just need a reason to get better for, something to drive a person. I had settled down for some much needed rest on the bed with several pillows propping me up so I could read but I could sense something wasn’t right. My instincts were honed like a razor knife. I knew there were dust bunnies near. Sure enough I jumped down off the bed and looked underneath and there they were. It looked like a lovefest for dust bunnies right underneath my very own bed.
I was appalled. I was shocked. I was hurt because I hit my head. But that didn’t matter. This was important. We had a petting zoo of dust bunnies underneath our bed. What the heck was the matter here? Who is in charge of cleaning up dust bunnies? I looked down our list of chores and there was not one single mention of dust bunnies. It is no wonder this common household pest can easily overpopulate a house. There is no dust bunny police. No agency that monitors the build up of dust bunnies. By heck where is the government when there is a real problem…looking for some other rodent hiding in a cave in Afghanistan?
I am aghast, but tired of all this work so I go back to my big over stuffed chair just waiting for my too kind and loving wife to come home so I can show her the To Do List I made up for her. She is going to be so grateful that I am always trying to help her out. I can almost hear her now.